Can you keep your cool when someone’s trying to push you to the edge? I swear there will always be a person who’ll try to disturb your peace of mind; they just can’t let you be. The one’s who seek to push and draw you into their unconsciousness; 9 times out of 10 are usually the people closest to you. Trust me, I know this from experience. Not long ago, I used to be the type of person that if you test me, I would go from 0 to 60 in a blink of the eye, however those day’s are far behind me. I just wish I knew then, what I know now, because that would’ve made a hell-of-a-lot difference for my sanity.
Please believe me when I say, I was never the one to instigate anything with anyone, my attitude had always been “don’t start no stuff, won’t be no stuff”. Now, I must admit this type of attitude makes you an easy target for the hecklers, because they can effortlessly initiate an argument, and you’ll be sure not to back down. As a result, this’ll give them all the pleasure in the world. However, bear in mind that the one who angers you, is the one who controls you. Now, you wouldn’t want to be giving your power away just like that would you?
Anyway as for me, there was always the great need to defend myself, which was developed from childhood. I didn’t necessarily grow up in a close family unit, which made me feel as though I had to stand up for myself, or no one would. Nevertheless, I’ve learned to adopt a new frame of thinking, which has helped me to change my perspective, and avoid the old conditioned fight or flight response. With that being said, here are 4 tips to help you keep calm within the chaos:
1. Bring your present moment awareness to the situation. Notice the unease within yourself, like your nerves and blood pulsating; this will give you an indication of when someone is getting under your skin. The power in awareness is to catch yourself as emotions start to arise within. The only way to refrain from any altercation is to be aware of when you’re getting upset. At that point, you’ll want to try not to loose your cool, even though I know that’s easier said than done. Nonetheless, this will require you to reframe the situation, by taking into account what may be going on in the other person’s life at the time, or their emotional state.
2. Know the motive behind the madness. I know it may take a lot to resist the temptation to flip your top when you’re being poked and prodded, but believe me; the motive is to get you to do just that! When misery loves company, it will at all cost try to shake you of your pleasant state, however don’t take it personal. When people come for you, it really has nothing to do with you, they’re just unhappy with them self and life. Engulfed in their feelings, and unable to direct it appropriately; others become the easy target. Along with knowing the fact that the tormentors actions has nothing to do with you, you’re free to release the need to defend one’s self. That mean’s, if your friend woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or husband/ boyfriend had a bad day at work, allow them take it up with them self.
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. -Don Miguel Ruiz
3. Choose your response wisely. Are you going to give the antagonist what they want, or will you take the high road? Don’t give anyone the satisfaction of watching you suffer. You have the option to choose to ignore them, or face the situation head on. My conditioned response would’ve been to face it head on, but at this point I choose my battles very wisely. Engaging in tic for tat will only give them the pleasure of seeing you upset. What I would advise you to do is refrain from saying anything at all, or you can just give them a blank stare, and when they think you’re just about ready to flip your top, just give them an un-phased look and without any emotion say “Ok cool”, and simply walk away. After a while of this, it will leave the other person with no other option but to retreat with their nonsense. Shucks, you just took the whole fun out of the game! Let’s be real, who in their right mind would continue to try and wage a fight with someone who’s not participating.
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. -Viktor E. Frankl
4. You got to Shake it Off. You’ll want to sit in a quiet area, or separate space from your heckler and just inhale deeply through your nose, and after a five count, exhale slowly through the mouth. The whole point of this exercise is to get you to lower your blood pressure, and get you to a more comfortable state; so continue to repeat this breathing pattern until you’re calm and collected. Following this calming method, it’s best to get your mind off of any thoughts about the other individual, and place your thoughts on what makes you happy, or focus on any upcoming events for the day.
All in all, you want to find your sweet spot and remain there, and as you continue to practice these steps they’ll become second nature as you deal with any altercations and confrontations. Besides, no longer will it be an attack on you, since it was never about you in the first place. Now, you can step outside of the situation and view it with total compassion, and become that unstoppable and unshakeable spirit you were always meant to be.
What has been your conditioned response when someone pushes you to the brink? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.
Shawna Kay ( Blissed Out Belle )